The emotional dependence is one of the most difficult problems to address, especially when starting from scratch without the help of anyone. Only the process of recognizing that we suffer from emotional blockage and requires a personal effort that goes against the very definition of what happens to us: being so dependent on other people we do not consider that ‘that’ can really be a problem.
What is an emotional dependency for real? It consists of the personal insecurity that prevents us from making decisions and taking actions on our own. We try to join someone who provides us with interior stability, a comfort zone where we can always act around without fear of being left alone. The dependence can be so extreme that, if that person disappears, we would feel completely lost without knowing what to do.
Despite this, emotional dependence is able to be overcome; it is hard but not impossible.
Loneliness, the greatest enemy
When we speak of emotional dependence it is impossible not to mention the greatest fear of all the people who suffer from it: loneliness. Feeling alone leads us to look for people we can emotionally engorge. However hard the expression is, it is the best way to describe it since loneliness alters our thinking to limits impossible to see in ourselves. If we really notice that loneliness, it is fundamental that we do not look for people like crazy thinking that this way we will remove the sensation.
Strive to know yourself
Do not seek to do what pleases others always. Dependents always try to adapt without looking for their own desires. As much in the plans as in our own opinions, we must avoid that our life finishes rotating to look like an ideal that we have visualized next to the person on whom we depend. Not only will we distort our personal identity, over time we will cause rejection since others will notice our commitment to be something that we are not.
Avoid going from sadness to sudden joy
Sudden emotional changes are the hallmarks of emotional dependence people. If our mood suddenly changes due to the presence of the other person we should reduce the contact gradually. This does not mean that we lose the relationship; it is to dose our time to be able to do as many activities that we personally like in solitude as with others. In this way, we will not feel such a big emotional impact when we spend several days alone without direct contact.
Relaxation and breathing: good allies
The relaxation techniques that have gained so much popularity these years are not a fashionable resource. Learning to breathe in tense moments and relax when we find ourselves with anxiety will prevent us from making hasty decisions. Many times people who need emotional dependence act without thinking about the most serious moments, the result of the nervousness they feel when not being close to their security personnel. In these cases, we can use any simple relaxation technique, discreet and accessible for anyone with a minimum of training.
Do not fall into codependence
It is the most difficult case to carry. The codependency is that two emotionally dependent people know each other, creating a tandem virtually impossible to break. When we notice that our life revolves around another person, who does the same with us, there are no intermediate solutions: we must break the vicious circle. No matter how much we appreciate the other person, a relationship like that is an explosive combination, going from adoration to hatred for any little touch that there is. We will help ourselves and get the other person to follow the same path.
Say ‘No’ more often
If we need emotional dependence, it is easy for us to accept the opinions and proposals of others without thinking, just to please them in their eyes. Saying ‘No’ in uncomfortable moments will give us personal security when making a decision for ourselves. We should not see it as a lack of respect or think that others will be away because we do not bend to their thoughts. As individuals we have the ability to follow our own criteria, always putting ourselves a little above others.